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Author Topic: Undoubtedly meaningful..  (Read 137814 times)

Offline Thea-Mesa-Lypi

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Sorry if I haven't posted on any of your emotional topics. I'm awkward with them online and wish everyone my hugs and kisses c:

Anyways, I felt really happy this afternoon…
*both of us get at the locker at the same time*
"I'm SO tired! I can't wait to go home!"
"Phh, Ali, you don't even know what tired is. I've been forced to do basketball training for varsity for the past week! I can barely sleep!"
"Well, that sucks I'm sorry. I feel really bad for you. But why should I? You never feel sorry for me."
"Ali, I always do. I just never say it."
:): I feel so bad for accusing him (I don't cause he takes it lightly), but I was really shocked. Because N doesn't lie about that kind of stuff. It made me think about how every time something has been wrong, he sees it in my face before anyone else and comes beside me, makes me laugh, makes everything better…
To help you understand this, I'll explain my nightmare from last Tuesday night.
The periods were 1234 the next day. (Gym, History, Science, Avid.) I showed up at school, put my stuff in my locker, and walked down to gym with N like I always do. We didn't talk much, kind of staying apart a little, because it was the morning and both of us were tired. We got in and sat down, went through the morning announcement and pledge like always. Mr. Carrell told us to go change, and we all hustled our way in. (Only three girls in his class, including me. In Mrs. Peaku's class, there's an even amount .__. We have a tiny portion. Keep in mind that it's all the same gym class, just assigned to different teachers.)
After some struggling, as always, my lock opened and right around then Mrs. Peaku's girls came in. We talked and chatted as we got dressed, like always, and hobbled out. A few minutes later, Mr. Carrell came out in front of all of us like normal. "Alright, everyone up and to the outside." Turned around, started the timer and music, and everyone was off.
Me with my knee disorders, I can't run at all. So I just walk while they jog - simple enough, right? So as I rounded the corner, passing in front of the bleachers down the long side, someone ran in to me on accident. It was either MS or DL..not sure..but I remember them both screaming out "Sorry!" for what happened next. When they hit me, my right knee buckled and was rammed in the the part of the bleacher that stuck out. I made my awkward squeak-squeal and buckled over the bench.
I sat down and started to go through whatever happens when I do something like that (hitting it, jumping off a small/big wall, running, etc.). Panting to wheezing to hyperventilating to lip quivering to my body shaking to my legs going numb from my knees outward to me limping to me not being able to walk. It's awful. It's the worst kind of pain I could ever experience. Slashed by thorns? No problem. Not being able to stand up without screaming? Problem.
N and AO (best friends, N is my best friend, AO is a friend) passed, laughing and talking, and they kind of caught my eye. I tried to ask them for help as they came by, but all that came out was a whiney wince. I think one of them heard, because N circled back around, soon followed by AO's curious self. They sat beside me, and I was at my max pain level and was starting to cry. They helped me up but all that happened was me quietly scream-crying as they picked me up by my arms. I couldn't move my legs. The rest of the dream was about the hospital and nurse and such, and I won't go into details because it didn't happen irl like the rest.
So, on Tuesday of this week, the periods were 3412 (science, Avid, Gym [for lunch period], history). Alright, not the same, but similar.
So at the end of avid, we were putting up chairs in the right places. Acceptable, normal. I put my binder down on the table to leave it there for gym like I always do. Just as I slid the last chair into place, the bell rang, and someone ran my knee straight into the chair. We have the kind with the ridges sticking out in the back, and that's what my knee rammed in to. I let out a grunt and dealt with my small limp down to the gym, thinking it was something minor, not even bothering to remember the nightmare.
When I got there, I went up to mention it to Mr. Carrell, who said I could use an ice pack later. I accepted and went to my spot. We changed and a few minutes came back out, where I sat down. My legs felt kind of funny and made their normal crack as I sat down, but I didn't acknowledge it.
Since it's the second quarter of the 2nd semester (last quarter, 2nd quarter we've had gym), we don't do push ups and stuff (with the exception of FitnessGram and the like). This was our first day doing it - yoga. I like yoga, it's fun, so I thought nothing of it. The teachers know my limitations, I assumed, so no lunge-type things or anything like that.
We started out with simple things, and I just didn't do the warrior poses. But then we came to the stretches. I felt like I was dying inside. We had to stretch to our toes, but as the pain-max came up with the near-tears, the teachers wanted me to continue. I was wincing by instinct, making small wounded animal noises as my tendon slowly stretched from my knee. (That's the main problem of my knees. My tendon is too small for it, because I didn't grow properly. Instead of the stretch helping me, it makes my injury worse.) I remember whispering for help, pleading, but all I got was a few head turns. When we did the pose for a T-push up and held it, I started pleading louder. One kid laughed as my knees totally collapsed and I fell to the floor, both knees cracking, sending a jolt of pain through my entire body system. He thought I was just joking, a little weak girl. (Please, I have awesome upper body strength. I can't do lower stuff so I have to do upper and core, and I'm pretty good for a petite girl. I'm 100 lbs and can take down two 200 pound guys <3)
We got up to do intervals, and it took me a good full minute of effort to stand up. I started, but when I started to walk, I had a limp in my right leg. It got progressively worse, and by the second interval, it was one of the worst pains I'd ever experienced. Each step lead to a wince or small cry, and not only did my knee collapse when I did it, it would shake, collapse, and bend backwards. I guess Mr. Carrell finally saw that I could barely walk and called me over.
"Lastnamehere, why didn't you remind me?" He was shaking up one of the pre-made ice packs for me. Like that would help at all. He gave it to me and I limped over to the bleacher. A few times N and AO and their friends passed around, and I was near tears by then. N saw my face, I guess, because he kept his eye on me when he could. When the time came for them to walk it out, SD was with them, and he mouthed to me. "Are you okay?" I almost cried, but bit my lip, shaking my head. He got kind of frantic, but I'm not really a good friend of his.
When they finished, he came over to sit by my feet, immediately followed by N. I can't remember what SD said, but I know that N shut him up and said, "Ali, are you okay? You look like your about to cry."
I just shook my head and let the tears come out, biting my lip to try and stop it. I kinda squeaked out "I can't ever run again." I shook my head again and looked down, trying to stop the tears from coming. N explained to SD. N moved to the top bleacher beside me, and would've held me if there wasn't such PDA. He made everything better..I won't go into detail because there isn't much to remember but him making me smile and his blue eyes keeping me safe.

It sounds really sappy and fake, but you just don't know. People take being able to run and jump without screaming for granite. It's just not fair. And having someone who cares about you, who knows your heart inside out, is something that happens once in a lifetime.
"To me, the most important things in life are art, love - of all kinds, and nature." - Alison Sudol, A Fine Frenzy

Offline UnicornCrazy

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that sucks :/ good that you have someone who cares though! *hugs*
The Hiakan Solarsystem.
The only truly inherently bad and destructive thing that exists is hatred. Everything else has the ability to be used for good, even violence has it's place. But hatred is incapable of causing anything but harm.